Controlled Derangement

the random writings of Pryanka Arora

ISO China Glaze, Up & Away
Four Leaf Clover
Grape Pop
Happy Go Lucky
High Hopes
Lemon Fizz
Peachy Keen
Light as Air
Sugar High

I'm looking for under $30 for this collection b/c I can get it for that much on Transdesign :)
I also don't mind if the polishes have been swatched and/or used once or twice.

Paying via Paypal Gift Option (or you can invoice me?) I don't have MUA but I'm prysmatique on eBay.

This blog has moved!

To continue to follow Pryanka, please update your bookmarks or RSS feeds to the new address to her blog -

I'm Leaving LiveJournal ):
I'm sorry, I'm really sad too, this was the only online website that I stuck too. I've had this Livejournal blog for well over 2 years now, and I didn't forget about it or go inactive or anything.

I remember back when I started this blog up, I promised myself that I was never going to apologize for my absence, if it ever came to be. Previously, when I have tried to take up a diary or online blog, I have been enthusiastic for the first week, and then lost touch with whatever it was that I had embarked upon. Livejournal kept me, I didn't lose touch. For all these months, Livejournal saw me through the end of high school into college, it saw me from living at home through dorming through to being a commuter again. It has seen me gain new best friends and lose old ones. It has seen my emotional ups and downs, and in it, I have blogged about the many firsts I have experienced in my life. It has seen my changing personality and my developing writing style and skill.

All that being said, the blog WILL STILL GO ON. I'm not quitting Blogging, I'm just switching over to a new website, one that offers more features (and no ads!) 

I really wanted a new username, because Pryanka is just my name and has not one ounce of creativity in it. I've been using the username 'prysmatique' for a while now, and while I desperately wanted a new blog name, keeping my content would have been impossible on LJ unless I paid for it. Which...well I'm Brown, I'm not going to do that if I can help it...

So Wordpress offers more features to its free users. There are more themes, and the themes have much more customizability (I can create a menu, then add that menu wherever I want as a widget, to give one example). They imported ALL of my livejournal content, keeping the original posted dates, comments, and tags intact. They duplicated each comment like 6x for some reason but whatever, I can deal with that haha. 

Another great thing was that I didn't have to pay to see visitor statistics either, which is very cool!

Alright well, if you want to continue to follow me, please add to your RSS feed instead. This website will no longer be updated, THIS IS MY SECOND TO LAST POST ON LIVEJOURNAL. :( The last will just be a giant link to the new website since I can't exactly do an auto-redirect from here.

I am just so frustrated :( 
Mostly with people, but also by my own lack of ability to say no to certain people.

ALSO people treat online relationships/friendships like they're nothing. So easy for them to just up and disappear or stop talking to you. So effortless for them, and it kills me every day to have lost the friends I have because I was more emotionally invested in the friendship than they were. 

I just can't deal with any of this. But I need friends to rant to because otherwise I just end up ranting on this livejournal about the same stupid whining self-laments that you see on this when I don't vent to a real person. A real person online or offline, just a real person.

Lately, my life is devoid of both the online and offline variety of friends, thats for sure though.

Upon A Wasp Chilled With Cold
She fanned her wings against the wind,
Her feeble gestures lacklustre now,
Lacking conviction, for she was doomed.
The fire in her eyes fading with every wingbreath,
Her soul stuttering in and out at every dip.

She felt the warmth of a fire,
Breaching the fine particles of ice,
And she beat those fragile wings a little harder,
Every stroke bringing her closer to the life-giving embers.

But her tired body, wings and all,
Craved rest. Nearer she grew to the Source
And harder the flight became.
She wanted Salvation, though she knew it not by that name,
But her feeble wings, oh their feeble breaths wracked her frame.

Soul stuttering in and out,
Still the wasp flew farther from the cold.
Flew to the heat, to the calling in  her every fiber,
Attuning her body to the compass of her surroundings.
Still the cold wasp flew.

Just Fine.
Everything in my life right now is Just Fine. Its not a standstill, and its not bad, but its not amazing either. Do you know that feeling you get, when you're stuck in limbo? Like there has to be some sort of...THING...coming up that'll sweep you off your feet and make life adventurous and exciting and fearsome again, but its not quite here yet. This is like the all-nighter I pull before a flight to India, that stage where I'm too excited in the anticipation of more eventful times but not willing to let myself sink into resignation and regret.

I'm getting work done, I'm commuting to class, I'm working, I'm participating in the NYU activity (aka e-Board of 2 clubs + being a Site Leader) but I'm just too exhausted by the routine of it all. 

I'm not talking to Dan anymore. I don't really know, I think he thinks that our friendship is over and I'm probably better off not being friends with somebody who can throw two years away in a heartbeat. 

And then, ironically enough, I'm talking to Dan again. The Dan from Michigan. The one I have so many years of history, of ups and downs with. We're in one of those phases where we talk every single day right now, and I love it, but I feel as though this is a superficial closeness. He's teaching me chess and I'm hoping that we're able to keep it casual and keep in touch long enough to rekindle true friendship from whatever it is we had when we were 16.

Then I wonder if that is even possible?

I can't reverse the clock, go back in time and fix things. But I'm still waiting for the one, and we have so much in common that I can't help but feel attracted to him everytime we talk. You never forget your first, I guess that goes for your first (and only) online boyfriend as well? We grew up differently, we want different things. But that tension is still there, and while it makes for FUN times, it doesn't necessarily make for LASTING times. And to be honest, I don't even know if anything 'lasting' is what I need right now. I should wait until graduate school, figure out where I'll be, and then try to open up my heart. 

Keep it in an inpenetrable cage until then?

But the trouble is, I love too easily. Not the head-over-heels puppy-dog-love, but the kind where you care about another person, where you remember what is going on their life, and you try to be there for them to ease their sorrows and share their joys. The kind of love where you don't want them to hurt themselves, even if it means letting them take the anger out on you. The kind where you'll overlook their flaws because you believe they are a GOOD person.

And then every time I go ahead and do that, they screw me over. My past haunts me and I cannot help but expect more of this in the future.

And yet, I'm just fine. Just waiting. Just hoping.

Shit Due Tomorrow:
Cuz I freakin forgot to make myself a weekly post about it and NOW I'm sure I have like 500 more pages of reading due tomorrow than I can handle...?

SO takin it from the top:

8AM - Power and Politics in America RCT
  • Hand in Assignment #1 - DONE
  • Pretend you know what you're saying, then write down everything you need to finish for this class over the weekend

9:30AM - Power and Politics in America LEC
  • Read 1-56 of Culture War
  • Read Shepskie on Collective Action
  • Read 4 & 5 of TB - DONE

11:00AM - Marlowe with Shakespeare
  • Read Tamburlaine Part II - DONE

2PM - American Literature RCT
  • Read Rowlandson + other Conquest Readings

SOOOO basically I'm going to read shepskie, rowlandson, and culture war FIRST. Then if I get time, go over the other conquest readings that we discussed in lecture tuesday. If I have time. 

Over the weekend, I MUST CATCH UP! 

My Man
He has to know how to listen.
He has to know that I will listen.
He has to share my taste in music, at least a little. 
He has to understand that no means no
He has to be honest
He has to be older than me
He has to be smart
He has to have an appreciation for books/reading

He would stay up late, talking to me.
He can stay up late, studying by me.
He should stay up late and be there for me.
He has to know that he can come to me for anything, anytime
He has to know that he can demand of me what I expect of him
He has to have an aggressive side

He can handle his alcohol,
He knows how to party.
He is my friend and my boyfriend

He can be a gamer or a sports fan, it doesn't matter, but
He has to understand that he can't force me into hobbies,
He has to know that I will never force him

He will enjoy long walks,
He will enjoy cooking with me, at times
He will enjoy going to the movies, going out for dinner,
He has to know there is more to life than the traditional man/woman breakdowns.

He should be Hindu,
He should value my opinion, and
He should not make fun of me.

He could know horseback riding or
He could enjoy going on vacations.

He has to love to travel, and 
He can't be afraid of airplanes.

He will entertain my crazy ideas of
Cross-country travel, backpacking trips, and follow trails through the forest.
He has to be somebody who can throw out crazy ideas of his own

He has to be able to handle distance, and
He won't flake out.

He has to enjoy dates and
Surprises and

Junior Year at a Glance -
I have

- LSAT Preparation
- AB Site Leadership for an Alternative Break in the Winter or Spring (Don't know yet)
- VP NYU Chess Club
- E-Board NYU Digital Arts Society
- 16 credit college workload
- Potentially Internship hunting.
- Work 
- Commute

Imma be a busy bee this semester.

Illustrator Updates -
I saved the 30 day tutorial, I'll finish them up. Along with start generating some more creative writing to work on my 100 Tales.

The problem I've faced here is a lack of time and motivation. Motivation because neither of the other 2 people I recruited to do the 30 day crash course have done it with me, and time because I've been swamped with work, reading (The Xanth series I probably didn't mention on my Livejournal either because I haven't had the time or motivation to update much either), personal issues (you got a glimpse of those in the previous post but that is NOT even the tip of the iceberg), and double-minded apartment hunting. (I want it, my parents don't. I sort of don't when I think about how much money I save but then I look at how miserable my summer has been and I think...hey no, screw the financial aspect, I want an apartment).

These inner ramblings and confusions have caused me to stop updating my Livejournal, and I hope t pick up the pace once classes start and I actually have things to post about. Summer would have just been me whining about how I've had no contact with friends, no drinking, no partying, no freedom, and no fun. 

Thats not entirely accurate - I had the month in India but I am excluding that from my classifications of summer. That was vacation. Vacation was amazing. Summer was the boring part that didn't end.

It was really just wake up. Work. Come home, eat. Sleep. Rinse, repeat. Boring, but there you have it, I've updated you all on my summer.

Now that thats over, we can talk about the books and tv shows I've recently found myself interested in.

1. Books - The Incarnations of Immortality series by Piers Anthony. Simply AMAZING. Can't stop raving about them, will maybe post individual book reviews or focus on them more in depth in a later post.

2. TV Shows - I've found myself an avid fan of Suits, and also discovered The Lying Game (It has 2 or 3 episodes so far). Suits is hardcore corporate lawyer action (yay, future me?) and The Lying Game is slightly teen romantic mystery with a thrillingly dangerous edge. It involves twins, switching places, and lots of secrets. Made by the creators of Pretty Little Liars so why am I not surprised?

3. I tried watching Wilfred, it was amusing and entertaining but it wasn't compelling enough to watch religiously. Its one of those shows that if I'm REALLY bored, have caught up with everything else, and don't have any extremely pressing assignments, I'll watch an episode of. In the end, I think the concept of a dog that looks like a human in a dog outfit, smokes weed, and acts like an asshole is just really weird. REALLY REALLY WEIRD. 

4. I'm anticipating that one tv show about the new girl who moves in with 3 roommates, all of whom are attracted to her. Unless one is gay, which means he will obviously fall into the best friend stereotype. Iunno, but it starts soon and I'll give the pilot a shot :D

5. Glee and Fringe will be starting up again soon I hope! Really excited about that, especially since Fringe left off at SUCH a cliffhanger. So much torture, waiting for them, seriously. Glee, I'm really just looking forward to the new songs they cover, not the exaggerated teen high school drama or the highly unrealistic high school teacher vendetta wars.

I also have tons of homework due next week! Nothing says welcome to Junior Year like 

That right there is homework for the next week. Instead of keeping the weekly assignments on this livejournal, I've moved them over to my blogspot. That way, I can use this place for creative writing and for blogging. Leave all the stressful homework on the other blog that I'll update weekly.

And now, since it is 3:10 AM, I've lost a best friend, and I have an apartment to go look at tomorrow afternoon, I'm going to end this post right here. Good night, sweet dreams <3


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